filming every thing is a great way to document what is happening

Mnay kids have phones with cameras.

I use this technique when driving.

It is amazing to see how many people KNOW that they are being assholes
as soon as the camera comes up.

Behavior changes on a dime

This is actually an interesting discussion... As someone who was the victim of bullying for my entire educational career, up until I moved halfway across the city to attend high school, I know how difficult it can be to be bullied.

The difficulty in addressing this, however, appears to be the fact that bullies are immature by nature - as it has been stated already, they are almost entirely self-concerned, paying no attention to the pain they inflict upon others, or, indeed, thriving upon it... To an extent, this lack of concern for others is present in all children, simply by virtue of the fact that they have often not developed a sense of even self-awareness, let alone awareness of others until a much later age.
I agree that the best way to prevent bullying would be to do what we can to show bullies the personal benefits of empathy and kindness... To phrase it in a way that they can understand.

With that said, however, an interesting thought now occurs to me (Though I doubt it will be a popular one). Question, for a moment should work to prevent bullying? I understand that, given the context of the thread, and this young girl's tragic suicide, this will likely appear heartless, but hear me out.
Since all children are born with a degree of selfishness - simply due to the fact that they are immature, and have yet to cultivate a sense of self, let alone others - bullying is impossible to prevent completely. What is more, bullying, cruel as it undoubtedly is, can serve as valuable life experience for a child, depending on how insightful they are: it would likely be their first encounter with significant conflict, and would help them develop different strategies with regards to how conflict may be addressed and resolved, as well as how to defend themselves. It may also help them to understand the psychology of bullies, and, by extent, aggressors and criminals later in life. It may also help to strengthen their own sense of empathy... Not to mention the fact that schoolyard issues echo in many levels of our society: are there not those in later walks of life who continue to place themselves and their own desires above that of others?

I am by no means attempting to argue that bullying is not hurtful, or damaging, I am simply saying that, like any traumatic experience or hardship, it offers equal opportunity for the individuals subjected to it to grow from it. Good things can arise from suffering, as I believe many of you know. Should we shelter our children from this, simply because it is immediately painful? I'm not saying we should deliberately plunge our children into a Spartan agoge of violence, or that we should never attempt to intervene, but this sort of experience for a child really is quite valuable... And, as awful as schoolyard bullies can be, it's rare for a child to receive serious physical injuries, or die as a result.

Frankly, what I find most disturbing with in this situation is the fact that a 10 year-old girl even contemplated suicide as an option. Perhaps I was too sheltered, but I was never even aware people committed suicide until my early teenage years...
For all my talk of exposing children to the "harsh realities of life", I think suicide is something they can stand to be innocent of.

These are also some interesting points.

Teaching a child that it's best to depend on others for courage is a dangerous path to start on. Self-reliance is an important virtue. And if I hadn't been in a position where I had to learn it, I would never have become the man I am, nor have raised the two fine sons I have. And I don't think any of US, of all people, would sneer at self-reliance. So there's that.

Perhaps teaching the child appropriate self-worth is the factor, then. With such, suicide is not an option.

To tell the truth, I think all that would be necessary to prevent children from committing suicide would be a tad more discretion on the part of the parents - because children are naturally more self-focused, the notion of doing something as dramatic as ending their own life is unlikely to occur to them without outside influence, based on my experience. To run away from the issue in a more literal sense (Refusing to attend school, or staying inside during recess, for example) seems more like the action a child would take.

I feel I should also apologize to an extent for what I said in my previous post: while I do stand behind its core points, I cannot help but feel that my expressing them in this context was inappropriate, and rather harsh.

Some schools reduce bullying by simply reducing the amount of time that kids spend in the halls. If they only have two minutes to get from one class to the next, there is not much time for bullying one another. I think that practical solutions along those lines will be more effective than trying to change the personalities of the bullies or the victims.


Also, kids need to know that it is okay to come to the parents and say "I do not want to go to school anymore because I am being bullied." Even if you do not think that running away from the problem is a good solution, it is certainly better than having a child commit suicide because she felt there was no other way out of the situation. If she had known that her parents would let her stay home, she probably would not have done it. Then once she was out of school for a little while, the parents could have worked with her an another longer-term solution to the issue.

if running away is not possible
or if kids go to parents or foster parents
who don't care, that is when suicide enters the picture

Here's the thing:

Shade, you're right... to a point. A little hazing toughens you up. These incidents are part of the natural order. It is a primal instinct that spawns the need to taunt and push others down to rise up and endure. It is heavily present in children because they have not been fully conditioned to supress it. It manifests in various ways as people mature.

It's survival of the fittest. Don't apologise for pointing that out.

The problem is, it is going unchecked and unnoticed to an extent that has become lethal.
Society has a great deal to do with this getting so out of hand. That is why something must be done. Bullying will never be completely snuffed out, but it can be responsibly managed. Children need positive reenforcement and encouragement to survive this level of brutality.
Not just the victims, either.
Kids that bully often do so because they have emotions and insecurities they do not know how to deal with. They lash out and take it out on other children to make themselves feel less damaged. They prey upon the weak because it makes them feel strong.

This ten year old girl felt that she had no other way out.
To be perfectly honest, I know exactly how she felt.
The only reason I am still here today, is because I cared more about hurting my mother than I did about escaping the pain. She came first. Always.
To this day, she is still blissfully unaware of nearly all of my history.

A lot of kids bottle this up and just try to get through each day.
Some days are worse than others.
If we can let them know that there's hope, and they're going to make it through this, maybe we'll read less stories like this. They just need to know it's going to be okay.
If we can reach the kids that bully, and give them more costructive ways to deal with their anger and frustration, they might not be so hard on others. They might not cross the line between aiming below the belt and going for the throat.

There has to be a limit in place. Not just with rules and laws, but in their minds.
These kids are aware that their behaviour is inappropriate.
That's why they're so good at hiding it.
They have to not want to behave this way.

Suicide is a major problem we have up here and part of it is people being told that Kids should be seen but not heard

Ive seen it so many times up here Especially back in the 90s People from the high school go down the hill towards the elementry school just to throw stones at the kids and take over their playground so they can smoke drink and have after school parties through the evening The next day the whole school yard is riddled with everything from discarded clothing garbage Graffiti and the worst of it Climbing bars are bent or broken in half The swings are either wrapped around the very top of the set or missing They piss and shit on the slides Condoms are in almost every nook and cranny often filled with ciggeret butts Bottles of Smirnoff Alcohol Which is illegal to have up here are everywhere Sometimes The windows to the school are broken other times Cardboard boxes are brought over and set on fire near or in the garbage bins and around the doors of the building

Kids who went to school were very afraid that they may not make it back home alive

There were alot of bomb threats aimed at the elementry school means the school must now be evacuated the cops being called in while they have better things to do and parents had to scramble to gather their kids from the old drop in center while they were in meetings and such

Now The highschool kids pass along insults name calling sometimes rock throwing Extortion and getting kids into ciggeretts and booze Make them think they are part of the fun and games and some of those punks carry knives too

A lot of reading...

I was bullied as well through Elementary school to High school. I had a friend who was bullied worse than me... A "hit list" thing happened to him as well, started out as a joke (He was trying to get a date and a friend gave the idea of making a list so he remembered who he had asked out).

As you can imagine someone took what they heard and interpreted in their own fashion. I had defended those allegations for my friend wherever I heard them.

In terms of myself never actually got into a fight, mostly verbal abuse. Few times people started in with me it got stopped either because they weren't going to be the one to throw the first punch or someone intervened.

I did make amend with certain people who messed with me before it got physical called a truce and we just didn't talk to each other. That was normally after they wrongly battered me or threatened me and than I responded with a threat of my own.

But, I'm relatively a non-violent person. Chivalry doesn't just stand for Honor and Respect... Justice plays a big part of it.

I completely agree with the rest here that something should be done regarding bullying and bullies should be shown the errors of their ways.

I wish they would actually teach humility and humanity to Elementary kids, especially if they aren't getting that learning from their Parents.

Please watch this. (CLICK ME)

Even though I am I'm high school, I truly cannot offer very much insight to the subject of bullying. I have myself attracted about five or six bully's. About one or two each year. Being the neutral person I am, I acted indifferently towards them. The first one ended up leaving the school. The second and third actually ended up deflecting to my side, becoming my friends. The fourth was harder to get rid of. About half way through the year, I started splitting his name into 3 syllables. Surprisingly, it annoyed him, and he stopped. He then left the school at the end of the year. The other two just ended up stopping. I'm just too boring to bully.

we fight apathy

Bullying sucks and all but parental involvement tends to be an issue with these seemingly extreme cases. The parents are often the ones who fall short. Instead of protecting what they should hold most dear they pay the price for not paying close enough attention. The parents of the child who is the victim as well as those responsible for the agressor should share equal blame.

I think I mentioned it before, but parents are often left out of the loop. Kids work very hard to hide this sort of thing. Humiliation aside, they usually feel like the situation will get worse if they say anything. In some cases, they are right.

In my case, my parents were so busy working their asses off to make ends meet, I did not want to add to their stress. I tried discussing it with some of the teachers, but they made me feel like it was my fault. Like I had done something to cause it. They would ask me why I didn't try harder. Why I didn't make more of an effort to fit in. Why I dressed the way I did, and didn't do my hair up like the other girls. At one point they talked me into joining the cheerleading squad. I had no interest in it, but I had grown tired of being an outcast, and was willing to try anything. Things only got worse, and that was when the hurt turned to rage. I started becoming destructive. To myself. To property. To the people that hated me for no other reason than the fact that I wasn't like them.

The first time I got jumped, I set that monster free. It scared me how much I liked it. I tried to go back to being invisible, but the cycle had started. The next time I got jumped, I tried to walk away, and got stabbed twice with a screwdriver. I don't remember much after that, aside from stepping on the girl's neck and punching her in the face until she stopped trying to get up. Her friends just stared. Had they decided to help, I might not be here. The school knew about the incident. But, because it technically happened off campus, and I walked to and from school, they were not even allowed to mention it to my parents. It boiled down to whether or not they were legally responsible for me. They were not.

The fights continued for months, and then years, until I got tired and started skipping school. My parents were informed that I was ditching. There was no mention of the fights. They quickly realised I was not going to bring it up either, even though they tried to get me to say something during the parent/teacher conference. And, as if this would urge me to speak up, they gave me an ultimatum. I could straighten out and start coming to class, or they were going to transfer me to the alternative education site. Once again, I was treated like the instigator. In my anger, I did not hesitate to agree to be transferred. Sadly, it was the best thing I could have done. The smaller campus was caged off with a chain link fence by the football field. We called it The Zoo. But suddenly I was down to three teachers, 85 students who had been kicked out of the larger school for various things, a half day schedule, and classes that functioned on a contract instead of a standard time table. No more getting scolded for jumping ahead on the coursework.

Made the honour role in less than a month. Funny that it was the so-called bad seeds that treated me like a human being. But the damage was done. My self image has still not recovered to this day. There are people who blame the parents. There are people who blame the schools. Both are right to some degree, but the real problem is not going to be mended by one or the other. It has to be both. We live in a society where the parents are blinded by economical and financial issues, and schools are bound by legality and emphasis on image. These kids are being ignored. The bullies AND the victims. It shouldn't take an outbreak of suicides to wake people up.

So, how do we get their heads out of their asses?

I still think communication is key.